


The Boy in the Alleyway

by Reiven



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Bedside Vigils, Coma, Episode Tag, Family Feels, Gen, Good Parent Maryse Lightwood, Hurt Alec Lightwood, M/M, Parabatai Bond, Post-Episode: s03e10 Erchomai, Stabbing, Worried Jace Wayland
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-14 03:18:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14761595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reiven/pseuds/Reiven
Summary: Alec was dying, Magnus was without magic and Jace was consumed by guilt. There was no way out. There was no way to get Alec the help he so desperately needed. Alec was going to die and Magnus and Jace couldn’t do anything but sit by and watch.





	The Boy in the Alleyway

It was an odd feeling of déjà vu mixed in with an almost incomprehensible amount of helplessness and just spine chilling terror.

The last time Jace and Alec fought, it was an incident Jace wished he could  erase from memory, but it was done. Alec didn’t hold a grudge and neither did he. They made up and moved on and what happened was left as a lesson and a reminder that just because they were parabatai, it didn’t mean that they were beyond dispute. Alec was still Alec and Jace was still Jace, they were still their own persons and they still had to stand up for what they thought was right. The only thing that mattered was that at the end of the day they would still have each other’s backs without question.

At least, that’s what was written on the box.

Instead Jace had fallen once again; he was weak, just like Valentine used to tell him. He wasn’t strong enough to fight off Lilith’s hold on him not even for the love he had for Alec.

Instead, Alec was going to die – he was going to die bloody and in agony and it was going to be at Jace’s own two hands.

The sound of Alec’s blood curdling scream mingled with the sound of the bones of his wrist snapping in Jace’s hand reverberated in his skull mercilessly like an echo.

The feel of his ribs breaking under his fist like snapping twigs was a sensation that would haunt him to the end of days.

But worst of all – beyond the broken bones and the pained screaming and the squelching sound of tearing flesh and muscle as the arrowhead – _Alec’s_ arrowhead, buried itself deeper and deeper into his chest, saturating his hands and clothes in thick, slippery blood… worse than that, was the resignation on Alec’s face, the acceptance; the almost gentle look in his eyes that were glistening from the agony when he said, “It’s okay… I forgive you…” as if he wasn’t the one dying at Jace’s hands.

Jace could do nothing but scream and cry and beg. He begged for mercy. He begged for death. He begged for an eternity of agony just so that Alec would be spared the pain.

But he could only watch helplessly as the shiny tip of the arrow slowly disappeared deeper into Alec’s bloodied flesh; the way blood started squirting out of the wound. He could feel the warmth of the blood on his face, trickling down his cheek and the bitter taste of copper on his tongue. The deeper the arrow went, the more silent Alec became, as if the breath had been driven completely out of him and he could no longer inhale to make a sound; only a desperate, gasping motion of a person unable to take oxygen into his lungs.

Jace wished the ground would open up and swallow him down to hell where he belonged. Alec was in agony because of him. He always caused his parabatai so much pain when he should have been the one easing it instead. Alec was going to die a slow and painful death and Jace couldn’t do anything but be a spectator in his own body.

He didn’t deserve Alec, he never did and this was just proof of the fact.

Alec was going to die and Jace wished his own death would be befitting his sin.

The next thing he sensed was just _fire_ , coursing through him like a river through his veins and the shrieking sound that was half his voice and half the demon’s and Lilith’s enraged wailing in the back of his mind. But as quickly as it came it disappeared again and Jace was left trying to understand what had happened.

It was the pained gasping and almost breathless wheezing sound that snapped him out of his trance.

_Alec._

He found himself by Alec’s side immediately, though he didn’t know how to react; he didn’t know where to put his hands or what to do. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from his parabatai, his brother, lying in a pool of blood that was growing bigger around him with each passing second.

He begged. He begged Magnus. He begged the angels; he begged anyone and any higher being listening to save Alec, to pluck _his_ life as payment because Alec’s life was worth so much more. Alec was in that position because of him. Alec was always in that position because of him and he repaid Alec’s loyalty and his love by constantly taking him for granted.

He could feel Magnus shaking beside him, desperately offering words of comfort to Alec whose eyes kept slipping shut and him forcing them back open like he didn’t want to lose sight of him and Magnus.

Magnus had sacrificed his magic to save him. Alec sacrificed his safety and put his life on the line to save him and Jace couldn’t even do anything to help him or ease his pain.

“Please…” he begged, bending down to rest his forehead on Alec’s chest; he could hear the wet sound of his breathing and the rattling deep inside his ribcage. “ _Please…_ ”

There was no time to go get help. There was no time for anyone to come to help. There were only two people he knew with the power to do both. One was on his hands and knees, powerless beside him begging Alec to stay with them, and the other was lost somewhere held captive by the Greater Demon responsible for everything.

“Magnus,” he begged through the lump in his throat and the tears pooling in his eyes, “Please… _Please…”_

But Magnus looked just as lost and helpless as he did. His eyes were wide with terror and his bottom lip was almost quivering from the emotions churning through him. “I… I… I don’t know what to do,” he said, his voice breaking just as the first tear drop broke loose from the corner of his eye, trickling down the side of his face and leaving a wet spot on the ground beside Alec’s head when it landed.

Alec was barely conscious by that point, his eyes were glassy and unfocused and the iratze Jace had applied with shaking hands had done nothing to ease his pain.

“I love you, Alec,” he cried, burying his face in the material of Alec’s jacket now damp with blood, “I’m sorry – I’m so sorry. Please don’t leave me.”

A hitch in Alec’s breathing made him look up and for a split second, it seemed like Alec’s eyes managed to focus on his face, his gaze looking between Magnus and himself tiredly. A weak, but apparent smile curled at his lips before they parted as if he was about to say something, but then his eyes rolled back into his head and his entire body just went completely limp.

“No, no, no, no – Alexander!” Jace was too numb to react, he could just hear and feel Magnus’s desperate cries beside him and the way he reached over to cup the side of Alec’s face in a shaking hand.

The seconds felt like hours as it ticked by before there was an apparent shift in the atmosphere around them. It was noticeable even through the overwhelming wave of grief that grabbed them both. Jace looked up at Magnus a split second before he saw his lips move, though the words were spoken barely above a whisper, Jace heard them like Magnus had shouted them through a loud speaker.

“Father, please…” he said, “I’ll do anything.”

The effect was almost instantaneous. All of a sudden the air began to crackle and swirl around them before a shimmery gold portal opened not ten feet from where they were crouched over Alec’s unconscious figure.

“Jace.” The sound of Magnus’s voice calling him startled him out of reverie. “I’ve got this; you need to go stop Lilith and save Clary.”

Jace looked between Magnus, the steely, determined look in his eye and down to where Alec was lying completely still on the cold pavement drenched in his own blood. “I –”

“I’ll take care of him, I promise. But right now, Clary and the rest need your power. There’s nothing more you can do for Alexander.”

Jace heard Magnus’s words and he understood the logic behind them, but his brain was much easier to convince than his heart. But deep down he knew he had to go, he knew that as much as he wanted to stay by Alec’s side and never let go of his hand, he knew there were things in motion much bigger than himself that took precedence over what he _wanted_ to do. Clary needed him and so did Luke and Izzy. Lilith needed to be stopped and he knew that he was the only one close enough to be of any help.

As painful as it was to watch Magnus pick Alec’s lifeless body up in his arms; as difficult as it was to watch them disappear into the shimmering portal before it pulsated and fizzled out into nothing but empty air and stale silence – Jace had to do it and he did.

Clary needed him. Izzy and Luke needed him. His family needed him and for the moment, Jace put his own pain on the back burner, he put his own needs in the background because he had a duty to fulfill. He owed it to Alec, his parabatai and his brother, to bring everyone back alive and send Lilith back to the pit of despair she crawled out of.

For a moment Jace stopped thinking and he stopped feeling, he let his instincts take control and he ran.

\--

The feel of the air throbbing around him was familiar. The sensation of disintegrating and reconstructing in the same breath in the blink of an eye, faster than the snapping of a finger was familiar and all of a sudden the chill air and the dark blanket of night in the sky was replaced by the comforting warmth of the overhead lights and the aged wooden walls and towering beams of the all too familiar institute.

Magnus was on his knees before he could even step fully out of the portal, still cradling Alexander close, holding him firm against his body, careful not to disturb the shaft of the arrow still sticking precariously out of his chest.

The sound of a hoarse voice yelling for help was the first thing Magnus heard. It took him a moment to realize that the sound had been ripped from his own throat.

In the background he could hear the wailing of the alarms warning of trespassers in the institute.

Magnus never thought the sound of thundering footsteps as a dozen of armed Shadowhunters appeared in his view could ever be so comforting.

It was as if the events of the entire day finally caught up with his body; all of a sudden he barely had the strength to keep himself upright but he used it all just to hold onto Alexander, to anchor him to the world. He pretended not to notice the way his heartbeat was faltering, the way his uneven, painful breath was becoming more and more shallow and the way his usually fair skin had turned an almost translucent grey.

“Oh my god, Alec!”

An unfamiliar Shadowhunter appeared in his view; reaching his hands out towards Alec lying unconscious and bleeding in his arms. Part of Magnus wanted to keep him at bay, wanted to keep Alexander away from him; keep him safe – to get him the help he so desperately needed. But the other part, the more reasonable part of him knew that _this_ was the help he so desperately craved. The help he offered whatever he had left to get. He knew his father would come to collect, but at that moment, he didn’t care.

He was soon relieved of Alexander’s body, though he could still feel the warmth of his skin in his arms and he desperately latched onto the feeling it invoked.

The Shadowhunter – his brain reminded him that the person was someone Alexander had mentioned before; _Underhill_ , he thought his name was – and a handful of other Shadowhunters rushed off carrying Alexander towards the infirmary and Magnus could do nothing but watch them go. He felt as warm hands took him by the elbow and pulled him into a standing position but he could barely move beyond that. The same hands led him down the hallway of the institute, through the unending maze that it all of a sudden seemed to be and he could only let himself be dragged along like a puppet.

He could still taste the copper in the air. His hands were still sticky with Alexander’s blood and he could feel the wetness that had seeped into the knees of his pants.

It was Alexander’s _life_ he had all over him and he couldn’t concentrate on anything else beyond the way the realization churned in his stomach.

The hall outside the infirmary was alive with Shadowhunters when he got there; some of them were talking about an explosion that had taken place in the city but Magnus couldn’t concentrate on anything other than the thought of Alexander.

It was Maryse’s voice calling his name, her sudden appearance in front of him; her eyes wide with worry and glistening with unshed tears that brought him back to reality. “Magnus… what happened?”

He opened his mouth to explain but where would he even begin? “It was… it was Jace,” he said finally, careful to keep his voice low so that the other Shadowhunters wouldn’t hear the second half of his statement. “He and Alexander fought and… well, we managed to break Lilith’s spell on him – he went to get Clary – but not before…” he trailed off somberly. “How is he?” 

Maryse exhaled dolefully, covering her face with her hands as of to compose herself before she regarded Magnus again. “It’s bad, Magnus, it’s really bad,” she said fearfully. “Can’t you –”

“No,” Magnus answered without giving her a chance to finish the futile question. “Even just getting us here… that was a miracle.”

Maryse didn’t ask him to elaborate. He knew she could sense the gravity in the explanation he hadn’t given and he appreciated her not pushing for more because he really had no other explanation to give her – to give anyone besides Alexander.

He just hoped he still had a chance to do just that.

\--

The medics and the Silent Brothers worked on Alexander for what seemed like hours.

Jace returned with Luke, Isabelle and a dejected Simon in tow barely half an hour after he and Alexander arrived – but no Clary. Magnus listened as Simon talked, though processing what he was saying was a much harder feat.

Lilith was dead.

And so was Clary, and that was a price too great to even fathom.

But somehow, some nagging part of Magnus’s heart – the one that had experienced loss, that had mourned and grieved far too many times; the one that knew Clary Fairchild as well as he’d known her mother – that part told him not to count her just yet. Jace seemed to second his inkling which was telling and more than enough reason for everyone else to keep their hopes up.

Magnus watched as Maryse comforted Luke. He watched as Isabelle beckoned Simon to the side and stood there talking at him and stroking his arm up and down comfortingly with the palm of her hand.

Magnus watched Jace, sitting morosely in the corner with his face in his hands, flanked by a handful of Shadowhunters on either side though he paid them absolutely no mind.

Maryse had been insistent that Jace’s _capture_ – as she’d said in a derisive tone, not be reported to the Clave until after Alec’s condition was stable because his was the priority they needed to be focused on. It was telling about their loyalty to Alec that they accepted her words as an order by proxy. Or at least, Underhill and a handful of others had and the rest had no more say in the matter. Although looking at Jace, Magnus was sure that any kind of punishment by the Clave wouldn’t nearly be punishment enough in Jace’s mind – regardless of whether he was in any way responsible for anything that happened.

Knowing Jace as well as he did, Magnus knew that it didn’t matter that it wasn’t him that had done the killing; that had killed Imogen and gravely injured Alexander. It was his hands that inflicted the hurt and his own weakness that couldn’t keep Lilith’s powers from controlling him, so to Jace, that made him every bit as responsible as the Owl.

But at the very least he could be there by Alexander’s side at that moment because if there was one thing Jace needed, it was Alexander and Magnus knew it was the same the other way around. After everything that had happened, after everything Alexander put on the line, he needed to know that it wasn’t done in vain. They saved Jace, they destroyed Lilith and all Magnus needed then was to know that Alexander was going to be okay. That was the only thing he wanted.

But all he could do was wait.

\--

Izzy paced the floor of the hall outside the infirmary. She’d done her rounds, comforted Simon, comforted her mom, comforted Magnus, but she gave Jace his space because she knew he needed it. He was sitting hunched over pathetically in the corner, curled up into a ball with his head on his knees.

The truth was, Izzy didn’t really know what to say. She knew Jace needed comfort, but the only person who could offer him even a modicum of it was inside the room behind heavy wooden doors fighting for his life. A life he almost lost at his own parabatai’s hands.

Izzy couldn’t even imagine the pain Jace was feeling. She didn’t know Alec’s pain, but she knew Alec, she knew that Alec understood that it wasn’t Jace. She knew Alec wouldn’t hold a grudge; he never even reached out to grasp onto it because it _wasn’t_ Jace. The deaths and destruction wasn’t Jace. Imogen wasn’t Jace. Alec wasn’t Jace.

Now if only Jace could bring him to accept the truth the way they all had.

Underhill and a team had left to search the remains of Lilith’s apartment building, Izzy knew it was futile but with Lilith it was better to be safe than sorry.

As for Clary… there was a part of her that refused to believe that Clary was dead. She couldn’t be dead. She was _Clary_. But they didn’t know the first place to look or how, where to even start or what to look for, and it was Alec who needed them the most right then. It was better for them to regroup, get Alec on his two feet, ease Jace’s mind and Magnus’s worry because neither of them were of use to anyone in that state of disarray, and _then_ think of a course of action.

 _That_ was the plan.

If only her heart was as easily reassured as her brain.

Her brother almost _died_.

They were Shadowhunters, so dying was always a very real possibility. They’d been hurt on the job more times than they could count, but Izzy couldn’t recall any one of them getting this badly hurt at any point, especially under such tragic circumstances. Especially Alec because he was her strong, amazing big brother, her rock; seeing him so hurt, knowing that he could _be_ so hurt – knowing that he’d come so close to dying, it was just… it was just an indescribable sort of fear and she hadn’t even seen him in the immediate aftermath. She only knew what Magnus had told of what happened. It was a horrible imagery even without the details that Magnus had carefully glossed over, and from the way his bottom lip quivered, from the way Jace curled further into himself and the way his shoulders shook with barely repressed sobs, Izzy could only imagine the horror they must have felt watching Alec slowly slipping away.

‘ _Maryse Lightwood_ ,’ came the sudden deep, almost vibrating sound that they heard as much in their brain as they did with their ear; the words taking the shape of Maryse’s name.

“Brother Zachariah,” exclaimed Maryse, rising swiftly to her feet. Izzy was by her mom’s side in a heartbeat and she could feel the presence of everyone else convening around Brother Zachariah, eagerly awaiting the news about Alec. “How is he? How’s my son?”

For someone belonging to a group known for being stoic and dispassionate, Brother Zachariah showed almost a remarkable range of emotions, at least that’s what Izzy thought. Perhaps the difference was that he looked more human than the other Silent Brothers they were used to dealing with.

 _‘Alec’s wounds are grave,_ ’ he began, his voice almost a rumbling echo inside their brains. _‘The arrow punctured his lung and caused severe hemorrhage inside his chest. We have done our best to heal the many injuries he had sustained, however he is not yet out of the woods. The next few days will be telling whether or not he will pull through.’_

Maryse half collapsed into Luke’s arms once Brother Zachariah finished speaking and Izzy could see Magnus dropping back down onto the seat, burying his face in his hands in sorrow.

Her eyes quickly looked around for Jace. She found him standing rooted in place, not having moved an inch from the moment Brother Zachariah started explaining the gravity of Alec’s injuries. His face was utterly blank and his eyes were blank. He didn’t look sad or angry or afraid – he was just completely empty. Izzy didn’t think she’d even seen him look more broken.

“Thank you, Brother Zachariah,” Izzy said, speaking for the rest of the group who didn’t seem to be able to form the words beyond their grief.

 _‘You may see him if you wish,’_ he answered. As he was turning around to leave, his attention stopped on the sight of Jace standing just a few feet away. His expression gave away nothing of what he was thinking and Izzy subconsciously felt her heart skip a beat. _‘I await your presence at the Silent City, Jace Herondale,’_ he said. He was gone before Izzy could ask the question that was forming in her mind.

\--

Alec was… Alec was just… not there.

It had been more than a few hours since they filed into the infirmary and crowded around Alec’s cot, watching the many machines surrounding his bed and the wires and tubes that weaved towards and away from his still figure beneath the crisp white sheets and Alec hadn’t stirred even once. He gave no indication that he knew they were there or that he was still in there somewhere.

But he was alive. That was something at least.

Jace was hunched over their intertwined hands on the left, holding Alec’s unbroken hand tight within his own; his forehead rested on the knuckles as if in prayer. Maybe he was.

Her mom was on the other side, occupying the chair by Alec’s side, her hand running through the thick, dark strands; brushing through them repetitively, as if the motion was comfort not only to Alec, but to her own self as well. Alec’s broken right hand was tightly bandaged and resting on a fluffed up pillow by his side.

Magnus was perched on the foot of the bed, on hand rested on Alec’s thigh, massaging circles on the white sheet with his thumb absentmindedly. His eyes were tired and the lines of his face were tight. In that moment, Izzy thought he looked every single of his four hundred years of age.

Izzy was standing off to the side, allowing her mom, Magnus and Jace space to be close to Alec even though all she wanted to do was curl up in the bed beside him and cry into his shoulder. She’s just sent off a message to her dad telling him what happened and to keep an eye on Max while everyone was there with Alec.

Alec though…

Izzy didn’t think she’d ever seen her brother look so ill so the sight alone was unnerving. His face was too pale, the molted bruise around his eye and cheekbone stood out starkly against his complexion which added to the illusion. His breathing was shallow and pained, like every breath he took was excruciating and he released a shuddering breath every single time that fogged up the mask that was covering his nose and mouth.

It broke Izzy’s heart to know that she couldn't do anything to help him.

No one spoke the entire time they were there. Sometimes her mom would lean in as if she were whispering something to Alec that was just for his ear, but that was between her and Alec, Izzy didn’t pry. Jace didn’t move a muscle even once, almost as if his presence was the only thing anchoring Alec to the world and him moving would mean losing what precious hold he had. Even Magnus hadn’t moved to do anything, to heal Alec or to mix a concoction that would help. Izzy resisted the urge to ask because she could see clearly on Magnus’s face that it wasn’t a talk he was ready for so she just gave him his space.

Underhill returned with the scouts after a few hours to report and it wasn’t anything Izzy hadn’t already expected. He lingered for a moment longer just staring at Alec before he seemed to catch himself. With a cough, he asked Izzy to let him know if Alec’s condition changed or if she or any of them needed anything and disappeared out the door without a second glance back.

Alec had told her about Underhill, about what he’d said and what he’d done for him that night at the bar. How he’d stood up for Maryse when they tried to ban her from the institute and Izzy couldn’t help the feeling of fondness that bubbled up inside her. She liked the guy. She liked the way he respected and appreciated Alec the way he deserved to be respected and appreciated by not just his subordinates, but also his peers. Izzy could tell that Underhill perhaps even harboured a little crush on her brother and that fact brought a much needed smile to her face. She couldn’t blame him, after all only a fool wouldn’t be smitten with Alec; he was just that amazing and she was happy that more and more people were starting to see what she’d known all along.

Her eyes once again found Alec and although it wasn’t a surprising sight, her heart dropped a little when she found his eyes still closed, his breathing still laboured and his consciousness still completely lost to the world. It had barely been a few hours since she last spoke with Alec and heard his voice and already it felt like a lifetime. She missed him.

Her mom, Jace and Magnus were by his side so she made the choice to hang back and give them room to breathe. The sound of the monitors in the background was almost a comforting lull by then and Izzy found her mind drifting. She found the wall at the far end corner and allowed herself to slide down the length of it, coming to sit curled up on the floor with her arms around her knees and she just watched. Her ears listened to the sounds of people coming and going and for warning signals for incoming threats but her eyes stayed glued to Alec. If it wasn’t for the terrible circumstance Izzy would have said he deserved the rest; it had been a hectic couple of days and as the head of the Institute, Alec bore the brunt of the responsibilities of taking care of his Shadowhunters, the Institute and the whole city of New York.

But the reality was that Alec was hurt and in pain. His family was sick with worry and there was nothing Izzy could do for any of them, and that was the most helpless she’d ever felt.

It wasn’t a good feeling.

But Alec was alive. That was a start at least.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr @ [reivenesque](http://reivenesque.tumblr.com)


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